Anatomy Of A Stupid.

I was reading an interesting and familiar post over at Adrian’s about everybody’s best friend, Telekom Malaysia (otherwise known as TM, TMNet, TMNut or Tipu Masters to some) and his problem with his Streamyx. Seriously, how many people haven’t had a single problem with their Streamyx? Shit’s gotten so bad at one time in the past, during my time as a freshie with Streamyx that when I called their helpline, the world famous 1-300-88-9515 I had to wait for 25 minutes, listening to the god damned Siti Nurhaliza song just to get through to an agent to explain about my problem! Then I’d have to wait some more to be transferred to the right department.. Ma-de betul!

Calling TM is sometimes similar to calling the police, if you don’t get put on hold, the first person you speak to is usually the person that can’t help you with your problem. First you call them, then you give the story of your life and then they’ll say please hold and immediately put you on hold again, during this time they say they are transferring you to the right department, but yeah sometimes it gets as bad as a Gotcha call when they transfer you to the wrong department 6 friggin times.

Using Streamyx is like solving a 16×16 rubik’s cube (which doesn’t even exist!) while trying to write a thesis about a bad Tom Hanks movie. Some of the lucky, no wait I should rephrase that, smart ones somehow or rather would figure out the bypassing trick, or the ’scaring the modem’ tactic to get a DSL link, or even the one where you reset the modem 16 times while reciting a crazy voodoo spell. Scaring the modem, now, hah, how often do you find people threatening their ADSL modems to connect really? Noo.. nowhere else on the face of the earth will you be able to find people like me who regularly speaks to the modem in English, telling it to connect or else I’ll call Telekom.. and it works too! Each time the modem won’t get a link, I’d make a call to Telekom and poof! just before the operator picks up, I’ll strangely enough get a link. That is until I hang up.

Makes me wonder really, maybe TM are formed by a bunch of super geniuses that have psychic powers and crazy computer skills and tuned the modem to disconnect whenever it wants to get the owner up at boiling point or when the user surfs http://tm.net.my and clicks on the Customer Service tab. Because frankly, that’s just what it’s doing! I love it that the modem is sort of square and boxy, makes it easy for me to CRUSH IT TO SMITHEREENS!

So after you throw your modem around, break down and cry, then slowly connect the modem back being nice to it and all else fails and the thing STILL wont work, you call the hotline. Hot, line as in makes you damn hot when you call it, ya. As I’ve mentioned, you get a free 20 minutes period to listen to Siti’s new song, Telekom’s new, interesting and 100% working (sure..) promotions, but even after all that. Finally, you get to speak to a human, and she sounds like she’s ready to help you. You make a complaint, and when you’re describing your problem vaguely, they flame you.. WTF!

TM : dotdotmahaitelekom, saya Cheebye sedia membantu.
Me : Ya, saya nak complain pasal Streamyx saya
TM: Ya apa masalah, cik?
Me : Saya tak boleh dapat link la, lepas tu phone selalu bising
TM : Lampu DSL kelip tak?
Me : Ya, kelip sepanjang hari je
TM : Boleh connect tak?

-ma-de… no link can connect, amazing..-

Me : Err.. tak leh la, kan link takde
TM : Ok cik tunggu sekejap ye…….
—
TM : Ok cik, macam ni la, saya buat laporan untuk encik, lepas tu technician akan datang ke rumah cik bila bila
Me : Ok, boleh, bila diaorang datang?
TM : Itu saya tak tau cik, tengok technician tu macam mana…

-mahai, so if the technician bad mood means come next year la?-

Torture I tell you. Then they come whenever they like, and when you cannot come to the door, they will just say the customer isn’t at home and close the report. Ma-de, if like that I’ll go and repair the damn thing myself la! Well, that was then, I was more prepared the next time. As they kept ignoring my reports, I kept lodging and at one time three technicians came at the same time and I just gave them the 79% cheebye face while saying I dunno wtf they’re talking about.. Yes, it’s that bad, until I deliberately make fools out of them. Hell, it’s fun.

The problem never was solved, until today, I just threw my modem around some more and eventually it stopped acting like a bitch to me. So moral of the story is 1) TM cant help you, 2) Threatening to tiu your modem actually works and 3) TM… they’re idiots! don’t bother!
 

It came sorta unexpected as I was browsing through some DVDs (yes yes I know Joey G says piracy sucks, give me a break I was on a budget) at the Gurney Drive replacement spot on a late Monday night. Flipping through Kung Pow 2, followed by X-Men III and Poseidon.. I was thinking hard, which one is the most boring one.. I knew that no way in heaven my mom would let me buy all three, just because all she watches are spanish soaps on TV2 and PRIMA, but okay. Just as I was about to tell the ’stylo tauke’ that I’m going for Kung Pow 2, my dad walked up to me and laid his hand on my shoulder as if he needed to borrow RM30,000.00 from me or something and said..

"happy birthday, di. you’re now seventeen."

LOL! I was personally worried because trust me, the porno section was just WAY too close to the blockbuster section, but you know how these ah bengs are, they promote "sex education" more than the 18 fingers of death or history like The Da Vinci Code (the most boring movie I’ve ever seen in this century, and yes the horrible quality and mangosteen subtitles contributed to this too) and they just had a wide array of choices, so I was bound to ‘accidentally’ spot it, right? Ehem, moving on.

Swell enough, Adrian, Seh Ming and Yeu Song got me some lamp thing, which is cool, thanks guys. Ben got me a card. Al got me an "imported" frame, with the Doc on his ZX cheater as a picture. Michelle got me a cute coloring. Grandma gave me an early Raya chingpow. Mummy said she put in RM500 into my college fund (gee, thanks), Papa got me the DVDs the other day. Izzaty showed me that video of Hunter loving the Mac, and Ashley got me a late birthday wish despite the fact that he told me to screw Syazwan over the other day when we planned to meet on the same day at the same time. Contrabands from some people, and I’m done! Thank you to everybody who wished me, Sir Izuan, dee, moomoo, amy, aeisyah, dyra, looi, anis, amal, edmond, arifah, my cousins, etc, and err.. who ah.. oh ya, DIGI! =P and johari. That’s all I can remember la? to the rest sorry if I forgot you, but trust me, it’s somewhere here.. I just can’t find it heh heh.

So yes, I turned 17 whilst browsing through some pirated DVDs, and now it’s 2.25AM the next day and I feel like shit back already. Getting ready to hit the toilet, and later on write some more about streamyx and my trip to Penang. Adios, people!

Today is a very special day for mothers, teachers, people with their birthdate on today and etc etc but above all that it is also a special day for me and our stupid cheebye kia community of idiots. Have you ever wondered, why is it that people always love to stare at you for no reason? When I ride my scooter around, when pass by a mamak shop everybody in the shop will suddenly freeze and stare at me as if I’m the prime minister passing by in a helicopter. WTF IS THIS? Why am I so important? I mean thank you if you envy me but no need to suddenly stop doing whatever you doing and look at me ok. I’m surprised the guy in the toilet didn’t stop peeing to stare also! So anyways, today I just encountered some stupid idiots at a local coffee shop earlier when I was getting some food to eat at home and it’s just after school so I was wearing my uniform, then this coffee shop also full of cheebye. Why? because they all staring at me like I’m some kind of hot chick with a huge ass or something. Then if that’s not bad enough, they all staring at my name tag, and even after they can see my name there they STILL WANT TO STARE!! KNNCCB!

Then on my way back to the car I encounter with this other cheebye member of our community. Staring at me some more as usual, but when I get into the car this cheebye and his cheebye gang all laughing at me thinking it’s funny they see a dude wearing school uniform driving a car.. Come on la, wake up and smell my shoe la, this is not your "zaman" where kids who ride bicycle are considered as king okay. Luckily our community, although all act like cheebye, actually no balls yet. They stare nevermind, but suddenly come one champion or hero go and tiu you then only know how to shut the fuck up and finish your fried rice and stop staring at people.

I don’t know is it curiosity or is it you just busy body like you got nothing better to do like that. Everytime staring at people, if you stare at hot beautiful girls nevermind la, this one staring at any stranger you like, then when the people you stare at stare back at you you say they gay. KNNCCB then you what? retard? terancat akal? Shit man, si pei bei tahan these people la, really.. When use phone, want to stare, when talk to people, want to stare, when ride motorbike also want to stare. Now I know you all evolve from the species STARE AT PEOPLE TYPING THEIR PASSWORD..

Drivers also one case, I know la I don’t own the road but I don’t think you do too right? what give you the right to overtake and call me a slow poke at 140km/h? our country speed limit also maximum 110km/h la brother, that one also on KLIA highway, why you so impatient like your house going to grow feet and run away from you like that? Don’t try to give me excuse say you want to shit or whatever ok, because public restrooms are there for a reason and it’s not for all the homeless people and pirated VCD sellers to hang out at, it’s for you to shit at, idiot. No seriously, all these shit drivers, really are Cheebye On Wheels (COW), everytime they want to overtake you they will horn, flash, signal, shout, tiu bla bla bla until you find an empty spot to move to the left to let them pass, like they seriously can die if they dont overtake you. But when people want to come out, give signal light, all speed up like they’re the last people to enter a magical black hole that can take you to heaven where all the cheebyes hang out and all the nerds are your servants!

So it’s really not good enough that you piss people off infront of you by flashing/horn etc etc when you pass by them you have to slow down same speed with them and give them the cheebye stare? You really no job la uncle, please go home and get a life. If you can please go and learn some proper manners not just on the road but in real life also. It’s true what Rudy and JJ say, if you put wheels on houses then only everyone nice to each other.. Then you know what’s the worst part? If you driving nice expensive car/bike like LANcer or R1 then they will stare at you softly like they want to be friends with you, or sometimes if your vehicle damn fucking expensive like Skyline or Ducati nobody will want to stare at you, because all want to show like they damn macho to their imaginary girlfriends like they have 10 at home all covered with dust, but if crapped up local car they think it’s like below their standard.. Damn it!

So, people, please, help prevent prostate cancer. Don’t stare unnecessarily.

Damn it. I just wadded the Capt’s CBR. Well okay, I didn’t really crash it but it became a jerk on me and just tumbled right.. Fcuk man, the right turn signal’s busted, thank god the fairing and crank case is alright, or else I’d have to buy it from him already. My first biking casualty on a bike that’s not mine =S

Well, yesterday was a really special day for me. It’s actually the first time ever I think in 7 years that me and my parents went to have dinner at KFC. My mom wanted to try the new chicken chop, go figure! Actually stepping into KFC with both my mom and dad by my side quickly turned me into the 8 year old boy I was again. I can recall how last time seeing my mom carrying a KFC plastic bag through the front door, I’d smile brightly and feel very excited. As a young toddler during times when my family were in grey days, staying in a tiny single storey home in Sungai Besi, I seemed to eat a lot.. Of course, which young one doesn’t like to eat junk food? Oh, how I’d sometimes cry or make sad faces when I ask for the family to go eat outside and my dad would give me the saving money song. Then I’d sulk while walking to my parents room and sit down in a corner until eventually when I’ll get sick of it and go watch cartoons. Only difference was once in a while my dad would suddenly walk into the room with some food he packed from a shop nearby. I’d be dead happy and jumping for joy then, heh.

But thinking about it now, how I loved to torture my parents by asking them to buy me stuff, making crocodile tears if they refused. How stupid I was to not realize the trouble we were going through. There was once when I was at my nanny’s house and with my 2 other friends who were under the same care. My nanny’s son bought me some chocolates and somehow I refused to share it with my 2 friends. Then suddenly my nanny’s other son who just got back from work, saw me sitting down at the staircase minding my own business eating the chocolate when he came towards me, snagged the chocolates from me and went upstairs. I sat there crying like a baby until my mom came to pick me up, I went into the car still crying and mumbling that Abang Faizal took my chocolates. Then my mom would be obliged to go buy some chocolates to stop me from crying..

I’m crying right now, tears are flowing down my cheeks. Why am I so stupid? Everytime I think about that incident, I start to tear like a little girl. Sometimes I’d scream out loud, asking myself how can I be so selfish. You know, I still wonder if does everyone go through these things as toddlers. Eating junk food by the drive way, snot rolling down and ponytails on boys. Memories are priceless for me, but makes me feel useless.

Who are we going to be when our guardians leave us for the other side, it’s this that I wish I could understand. I still hear it sometimes, kids crying asking their mother’s why did their dad have to go, when will they see their mother in the hospital again when in actual fact she’s no longer there. I still can’t accept it. I find it very hard to explain how some people can live not seeing their parents for long period of time. In the TV, the wife would be the cause of the man not being able to see his mother, but in the real world everyone knows some people just don’t want to see the people responsible for them existing themselves.

Yes, my childhood days make me think of many many things, and most of the time it kills me to think about it, but how can I not laugh and cry at the same time at that picture of my family not enjoying that train ride at Fraser’s Hill (eventhough my parents had to go on it since I liked it) or that picture of 4 year old me and 5 year old cousin Debbie sitting outside my previous home on the swing sharing some Smarties while singing London Bridge Is Falling Down. Joy.

Sometimes I think humans are so stupid, and a very good example of these stupid humans are people that work at TV3. I was minding my own business on the TV earlier, channel surfing when suddenly I got caught at TV3. There’s this show about medical operations and crap, and this week’s medical wonder is about some "organ disfunction". At first it sounded interesting, so I kept on watching but wasn’t really paying attention. Then I paused from the TV to go grab some cereal since I was kinda hungry, next thing I knew when I came back, the camera was focusing on this tiny little thing that looks like a human organ but it was split into half and there was this hole at the bottom.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! It’s a malfunctioned penis! The next thing I knew, Honey Stars and quarter digested milk flung out in what I can say as the ugliest Technicolor yawn I’ve ever witnessed in my entire teenage life. I don’t really want to comment about the medical perspective of it, since the person is in need of attention, but really, why do these people show these type of images to the public? I’m a male, I have one but I puked my lunch out when I saw it, what more other people?

It’s not like kids all over the nation were infront of their TVs, taking notes and changing their ambitions to "genital surgeons" anyway! Seriously I mean no offence to the patient, but please, next time right you good people at TV3, just stick to porn and sitcoms.

This is probably my first entry that has some language related barrier to it, as to get the whole picture you’ll need to know some basic Mandarin (common sense would work too) so please bare with me.

can a VIOS do kung fu? thought so.

The All New Ford Focus I found this hilarious website from a friend, and it is absolutely entertaining! It’s actually a promotional site for Ford’s all-new sedan, the Focus. I can’t think of one (sane) thing that it can’t do! I mean it can jump, cry, roll, it can even fart for heaven’s sake! But then what I’m really surprised is it’s maturity and the fact that this vehicle understands more than one language! Go ahead and give it a spin, and try telling the car to "TIU". You’ll know what I mean hahaha! Enjoy!