Anatomy Of A Stupid.

Childhood Days

Well, yesterday was a really special day for me. It’s actually the first time ever I think in 7 years that me and my parents went to have dinner at KFC. My mom wanted to try the new chicken chop, go figure! Actually stepping into KFC with both my mom and dad by my side quickly turned me into the 8 year old boy I was again. I can recall how last time seeing my mom carrying a KFC plastic bag through the front door, I’d smile brightly and feel very excited. As a young toddler during times when my family were in grey days, staying in a tiny single storey home in Sungai Besi, I seemed to eat a lot.. Of course, which young one doesn’t like to eat junk food? Oh, how I’d sometimes cry or make sad faces when I ask for the family to go eat outside and my dad would give me the saving money song. Then I’d sulk while walking to my parents room and sit down in a corner until eventually when I’ll get sick of it and go watch cartoons. Only difference was once in a while my dad would suddenly walk into the room with some food he packed from a shop nearby. I’d be dead happy and jumping for joy then, heh.

But thinking about it now, how I loved to torture my parents by asking them to buy me stuff, making crocodile tears if they refused. How stupid I was to not realize the trouble we were going through. There was once when I was at my nanny’s house and with my 2 other friends who were under the same care. My nanny’s son bought me some chocolates and somehow I refused to share it with my 2 friends. Then suddenly my nanny’s other son who just got back from work, saw me sitting down at the staircase minding my own business eating the chocolate when he came towards me, snagged the chocolates from me and went upstairs. I sat there crying like a baby until my mom came to pick me up, I went into the car still crying and mumbling that Abang Faizal took my chocolates. Then my mom would be obliged to go buy some chocolates to stop me from crying..

I’m crying right now, tears are flowing down my cheeks. Why am I so stupid? Everytime I think about that incident, I start to tear like a little girl. Sometimes I’d scream out loud, asking myself how can I be so selfish. You know, I still wonder if does everyone go through these things as toddlers. Eating junk food by the drive way, snot rolling down and ponytails on boys. Memories are priceless for me, but makes me feel useless.

Who are we going to be when our guardians leave us for the other side, it’s this that I wish I could understand. I still hear it sometimes, kids crying asking their mother’s why did their dad have to go, when will they see their mother in the hospital again when in actual fact she’s no longer there. I still can’t accept it. I find it very hard to explain how some people can live not seeing their parents for long period of time. In the TV, the wife would be the cause of the man not being able to see his mother, but in the real world everyone knows some people just don’t want to see the people responsible for them existing themselves.

Yes, my childhood days make me think of many many things, and most of the time it kills me to think about it, but how can I not laugh and cry at the same time at that picture of my family not enjoying that train ride at Fraser’s Hill (eventhough my parents had to go on it since I liked it) or that picture of 4 year old me and 5 year old cousin Debbie sitting outside my previous home on the swing sharing some Smarties while singing London Bridge Is Falling Down. Joy.

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