Anatomy Of A Stupid.

What customer?

I was reading an interesting and familiar post over at Adrian’s about everybody’s best friend, Telekom Malaysia (otherwise known as TM, TMNet, TMNut or Tipu Masters to some) and his problem with his Streamyx. Seriously, how many people haven’t had a single problem with their Streamyx? Shit’s gotten so bad at one time in the past, during my time as a freshie with Streamyx that when I called their helpline, the world famous 1-300-88-9515 I had to wait for 25 minutes, listening to the god damned Siti Nurhaliza song just to get through to an agent to explain about my problem! Then I’d have to wait some more to be transferred to the right department.. Ma-de betul!

Calling TM is sometimes similar to calling the police, if you don’t get put on hold, the first person you speak to is usually the person that can’t help you with your problem. First you call them, then you give the story of your life and then they’ll say please hold and immediately put you on hold again, during this time they say they are transferring you to the right department, but yeah sometimes it gets as bad as a Gotcha call when they transfer you to the wrong department 6 friggin times.

Using Streamyx is like solving a 16×16 rubik’s cube (which doesn’t even exist!) while trying to write a thesis about a bad Tom Hanks movie. Some of the lucky, no wait I should rephrase that, smart ones somehow or rather would figure out the bypassing trick, or the ’scaring the modem’ tactic to get a DSL link, or even the one where you reset the modem 16 times while reciting a crazy voodoo spell. Scaring the modem, now, hah, how often do you find people threatening their ADSL modems to connect really? Noo.. nowhere else on the face of the earth will you be able to find people like me who regularly speaks to the modem in English, telling it to connect or else I’ll call Telekom.. and it works too! Each time the modem won’t get a link, I’d make a call to Telekom and poof! just before the operator picks up, I’ll strangely enough get a link. That is until I hang up.

Makes me wonder really, maybe TM are formed by a bunch of super geniuses that have psychic powers and crazy computer skills and tuned the modem to disconnect whenever it wants to get the owner up at boiling point or when the user surfs http://tm.net.my and clicks on the Customer Service tab. Because frankly, that’s just what it’s doing! I love it that the modem is sort of square and boxy, makes it easy for me to CRUSH IT TO SMITHEREENS!

So after you throw your modem around, break down and cry, then slowly connect the modem back being nice to it and all else fails and the thing STILL wont work, you call the hotline. Hot, line as in makes you damn hot when you call it, ya. As I’ve mentioned, you get a free 20 minutes period to listen to Siti’s new song, Telekom’s new, interesting and 100% working (sure..) promotions, but even after all that. Finally, you get to speak to a human, and she sounds like she’s ready to help you. You make a complaint, and when you’re describing your problem vaguely, they flame you.. WTF!

TM : dotdotmahaitelekom, saya Cheebye sedia membantu.
Me : Ya, saya nak complain pasal Streamyx saya
TM: Ya apa masalah, cik?
Me : Saya tak boleh dapat link la, lepas tu phone selalu bising
TM : Lampu DSL kelip tak?
Me : Ya, kelip sepanjang hari je
TM : Boleh connect tak?

-ma-de… no link can connect, amazing..-

Me : Err.. tak leh la, kan link takde
TM : Ok cik tunggu sekejap ye…….
—
TM : Ok cik, macam ni la, saya buat laporan untuk encik, lepas tu technician akan datang ke rumah cik bila bila
Me : Ok, boleh, bila diaorang datang?
TM : Itu saya tak tau cik, tengok technician tu macam mana…

-mahai, so if the technician bad mood means come next year la?-

Me : Macam mana apa?
TM : Mungkin technician tu sibuk cik, sebab dekat kawasan encik ada satu technician je
Me : ………….

Torture I tell you. Then they come whenever they like, and when you cannot come to the door, they will just say the customer isn’t at home and close the report. Ma-de, if like that I’ll go and repair the damn thing myself la! Well, that was then, I was more prepared the next time. As they kept ignoring my reports, I kept lodging and at one time three technicians came at the same time and I just gave them the 79% cheebye face while saying I dunno wtf they’re talking about.. Yes, it’s that bad, until I deliberately make fools out of them. Hell, it’s fun.

The problem never was solved, until today, I just threw my modem around some more and eventually it stopped acting like a bitch to me. So moral of the story is 1) TM cant help you, 2) Threatening to tiu your modem actually works and 3) TM… they’re idiots! don’t bother!
 

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