Anatomy Of A Stupid.

Once upon a Mother’s Day surprise

So, by the strangest coincidence, you totally forget that the following morning is Mother’s Day. It’s cool, you went out with friends and had fun, eventually forgetting it. You come back and look at the clock on the wall..

Oh my. What can one do at this time? I sat down in a quiet spot and thought hard. Thinking.. and thinking.. what can be done?? Rushing down to the kitchen as if a tornado was headed my way, checked the store.. Mmhmm.. Got that.. that.. some sugar.. butter…. ALRIGHT! I’ve got it! The plan to make butter scones were on the way.. But first, to check if the mummy is sound asleep or not, as it wouldn’t be a surprise if she woke up to this one..

Excellent. So here we go.

Items checked! Butter is still chilled and firm, cut it into small blocks and place it together with the flour. Time to get dirty. Oh but, wash hands first la ok.

Rub in the flour with the butter, dont overdo it or it’ll shrink faster than an old guy with ED. Make sure you put TLC into it, as to make sure all the butter is rubbed in with the flour and you won’t find empty holes in the scones during consumption. Not to mention if you do it properly you’ll almost definately sweat and this eliminates the need for you to use salt.

Ahem. Anyways, once you’re done it should look like this. Familiar? Bread crumbs lookalike. The lumps in the picture are lumps of butter that has already been rubbed with flour, just that they are sticking together (trust me, in the wee hours of the morning I can’t be bothered to make anything look nice), make sure that your humps.. I mean lumps are not buttery, instead crumby. Whatevahhhh.

Now add in the yolk and just a splash of cream. Hold on to the cream. Knead the dough, not go amuk on it. Press it gently until it forms a dough with lots of cracks (wall cracks, dummy!) on it. Add cream if you feel like the dough is too brittle, it should be just a little bit elastic but shouldn’t form a shape you if you pinch it.

Voila! Now you’re ready to hand shape them to the desired shape. You could use a cookie cutter, but that is so 5 minutes ago *bitchy tone*. Shaping it yourself also allows your mom to believe you when you deny that you bought it from the local Coffee Bean! Just kidding. Ha ha ha.

Egg wash every scone with the one egg. To egg wash is to not, I repeat, NOT to dip every scone into the egg but rather just to spread or better yet brush a little egg on the top for colour purposes. I think. Anyways! Bake it for 15 minutes at 200C, but constantly watch over it as thickness varies from each person. Mine may be thicker than yours. Oops!

So you have to watch over it. Damn this is boring. What do you do? Remember the excess egg from the eggwash?..

Ta da! Omelette le francais!

Check on it once in a while to make sure the tops are browning at just the right times, it’s not spreading out too much which could lead to it committing suicide in the form of breaking into two, and also the texture.

Just before you think it’s done, cut out a small piece and examine the texture with your eyes, if it looks like a dense muffin then it should be ready in another 5 minutes or so.

Now it’s done! Keep it in the oven, with it turned off of course, until when you wanna serve it. In the mean time..

Make Buy a nice and fancy card..

Make some adjustments to it since you bought a card for the wrong occasion..

.. and go to sleep knowing you won’t wake up before your mother does, but try anyway…

*zzzz*

*Beep beep beep*

…

O__O! It’s noon already, told you you won’t be able to wake up. Or at least I couldn’t. Quickly! Move swiftly toward the staircases, stealthing yourself from your angry mother watching the TV while expecting some form of thank you since it’s her day*. Heat up the scones at 100C for 5 minutes.

Serve with strawberry jam and the card. Come back half an hour later and find out that you put too much baking powder so it tastes like the yellow noodles in mee goreng mamak which clearly has too much sodium bicarbonate in it. But she’ll still say it’s nice of course, you did make it what.

—

This is a tribute to mothers out there, always know that your children are forever cracking their heads to surprise you, just that you don’t see it because we’re bad at surprising the old folks. Nevertheless, we still have intentions to make you happy, feel appreciated, and know that making us wasn’t a waste of money, time and effort.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mother!

*Caution, this is just an assumption, not every mother expects something for Mother’s Day and this sentence was created merely to fullfuill the empty black box you would see if it were’t there.

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