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As I looked at my wristwatch the last time before hastily spooning my a la minute chocolate ganache across the shiny glass plate, I knew this was going to be the day that I can finally exhale the breath filled with burden, frustration and lack of sleep for the last time.
The puff now on the narrow end of the ganache, and the spun sugar just hit the plate. Time is passing by slowly as I am being observed cluttering my plate with more distractions.
Throughout the whole experience with a total stranger as an assistant, I find it hard to believe that it’s just a pinch of the real world. It could just be scary to forever meet new people that you may or may not be able to work with. I felt the tinge of anger every time an order was not executed the way I thought it would, especially when the results varied too much from that perfect photograph in my mind.
The last dust of icing sugar snows the puff and contrasts the caramel colored sugar. An almost wilted and pimpled leaf of mint arrives just in time to sit itself conveniently on the hay ball like garnish.
Not to mention when I ended screwing something up myself . Walls of confidence and self esteem were broken down so easily on that fateful day. Almost predicted but not close enough to be avoided. I felt sad, depressed and angry at everyone nearby. But wasn’t angry at anyone more than myself, knowing that at the end of the day, it is my fault and I could have made it better. Was this the event that I am going to face time and time again in the future?
The runner just picked up the puff. I take off my apron and hand in my knives for washing, while I settled the pots and pans. All the time while slowly cleaning up, so much peril flashing through my mind. The past, present and future was so dark. I can’t yield enough forgiveness to discard something from my mind.
That dry main course was all I could think of until now.
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chill, relax, breathe the free air and think happy thoughts.
remember, you are not alone.
pervertism101 03.23.09 @ 12:16 am